Before We Point Fingers, Let’s Build Foundations

Never in my life—and I’ve been here a long time—have I seen a people so gifted, so resilient, so anointed… and yet so quick to turn that strength against each other.

Now let me say this carefully, because I’m not here to tear down Black women. I’m here to lift up our community as a whole. Black women have carried this community on their backs for generations. Through slavery, segregation, broken systems, and broken promises—they stood. They worked. They raised. They prayed. They endured. But strength, when it’s been forced to survive too long alone, can sometimes turn into something else—guarded, defensive, even critical.

And on the other side, Black men—many of whom grew up without consistent examples, without fathers, without guidance—are still trying to figure out what manhood looks like in a world that often never showed them.

So what do we end up with? Two people…both wounded…Both trying to define roles they were never properly shown…Both speaking from pain instead of purpose.

And then we ask the question: “Why don’t we understand each other?”

Here’s the truth: A woman cannot fully teach a man how to be a man—
just like a man cannot fully teach a woman how to be a woman.

But what we can do…is respect each other enough to stop tearing each other down in public. Because when we go online and criticize, belittle, and mock one another,
we’re not just speaking to each other—we’re putting our business on display for a world that already doubts us.

Real men don’t need to be argued into manhood. Real women don’t need to shout to prove their worth. And real love—real partnership—is not built on constant correction…it’s built on communication, patience, and mutual respect.

Some men don’t step up the way they should. That’s true. Some women carry expectations shaped by struggle. That’s also true. But instead of asking, “Why aren’t you what I want you to be?” Maybe we need to start asking, “Who taught us what we think we know?”

Because if we don’t heal what we’ve been through…we will keep hurting what we’re trying to build.

Let me leave you with this: We don’t need less Black women speaking. We don’t need less Black men standing up. What we need…is more understanding, more grace, and more unity between us. Because the world is hard enough already. And the last place we should be fighting each other…is at home.