A View From a Pew: Why, Ladies?

This is part I of a two part series. A companion piece titled "Why, Men?" that challenges husbands with the same level of accountability and creates a balanced "A View From a Pew" will be published Tuesday.

Why, ladies? It's a question worth asking—not to start an argument, but to spark an honest conversation.

Every morning, millions of women wake up before the sun rises because their manager expects them at work at 7:00 a.m. They adjust their alarms, rush through breakfast, battle traffic, and somehow make it happen. Why? Because they understand that showing up on time matters.

But then Sunday comes. Your husband says, "Honey, if we need to be at church by 10:00, let's leave the house at 9:30." Suddenly, 9:30 becomes 9:45. Then 9:55. Then you're frustrated because he's asking why you're late.

Here's my question: If you can honor the schedule your manager sets, why is it so difficult to honor the schedule your husband requests?

Here's another one. You start a new job, and your employer says, "From now on, no jeans, no tennis shoes. Business attire only." You don't argue. You don't tell them, "This is my body. I'll wear what I want." You don't accuse them of controlling you. Instead, you spend your own money buying clothes that fit the company's expectations because you value the opportunity you've been given.

Yet when your husband says, "I really love it when you wear this," or "I'd like us to present ourselves this way," too often the response is, "Nobody tells me what to wear."

Why? What makes the opinion of a manager more valuable than the opinion of the man who vowed to spend his life loving you? And before anyone misunderstands me, this isn't about a husband controlling his wife. It isn't about domination. It isn't about ownership. It's about honor. It's about consistency. It's about asking why we so willingly extend patience, respect, flexibility, and cooperation to people who would replace us tomorrow, yet sometimes withhold those same qualities from the person we've promised to love for a lifetime.

Think about it.

When your supervisor gives instructions, you don't particularly like, do you interrupt? Do you roll your eyes? Do you clap back? Do you raise your voice in front of everyone? Most people don't—because they understand there are consequences.

Yet some marriages become places where the very respect shown to strangers disappears behind the front door. Marriage shouldn't receive the leftovers after the workplace gets our best attitude. Our spouse shouldn't have to compete with our boss for basic courtesy.

The greatest relationships aren't built because two people never disagree. They're built because two people decide that respect will always be greater than ego.

Maybe the question isn't whether your husband deserves your respect. Maybe the better question is this: Why are we so willing to give our very best to someone who signs our paycheck while giving our leftovers to the person who shares our life?

A healthy marriage isn't sustained by grand gestures. It's built on everyday choices—being on time, listening without interrupting, considering one another's preferences, and showing the same honor at home that we willingly display at work. Because if respect can help you keep a job... Imagine what it can do for a marriage.