A View From a Pew: When She Says “I Am the Table”

I keep hearing women say, “I am the table.”
And on the surface, it sounds confident. Empowered. Even prophetic.

But from where a lot of men are sitting—quietly, faithfully, tired—it sounds differently. Brothers are sitting there thinking… “Cool. So, what exactly is on it?”

Because when some women say, “I am the table,” what they really mean is:
“I expect you to bring everything… while I critique how you bring it.” Some women don’t just want a seat at the table—they want the entire restaurant experience, while insisting they are the furniture.

And brothers are left wondering, “If you’re the table… why am I still doing all the lifting?”

See, there’s a difference between self-worth and self-exemption.
One says, “I know my value.” The other says, “I don’t owe you effort.”

Too many men today aren’t being rejected because they’re lazy or unambitious—
they’re being rejected because they don’t match a fantasy.

They don’t want a BMW—a Black Man Working. They want an IBM—the Ideal Black Man.

The IBM: is already finished, already wealthy, already healed, already evolved, already emotionally fluent, and already spiritually mature. No process. No patience. No partnership. And truth be told, and I mean no disrespect, but if a man is all ,that do you really think he's looking for you?

But the BMW? He’s up early. He’s learning. He’s growing. He’s carrying generational weight with limited instructions. He’s building with prayer, pain, and persistence. And somehow… he’s still told he’s not enough.

From the pew where I sit, that’s not empowerment—that’s entitlement dressed up as independence.

Let me say this clearly and lovingly: A relationship is not a job interview where only one résumé is reviewed. Marriage is not a contract where one person performs and the other evaluates.

A real table doesn’t just exist—it serves. It holds meals. It hosts conversations.
It carries weight from everybody sitting there.

If a man is expected to bring: provision, protection, leadership, stability, and vision then a woman must also bring: peace, partnership, encouragement, effort and growth. Not perfection. But participation.

Because here’s the spiritual truth we don’t preach enough:
God never called one person to be everything while the other simply receives.

Adam wasn’t complete without Eve. Eve wasn’t sustained without Adam. And neither of them was the table. The covenant was the table. Two imperfect people. Two different strengths. Two shared responsibilities.

So when a man hears, “I am the table,” what he’s really asking—sometimes silently, sometimes painfully—is: will you help me build, or just judge the structure? Will you bring peace, or just pressure? Will you grow with me, or wait at the finish line?

Because men aren’t afraid of strong women. They’re afraid of one-sided expectations that leave them spiritually exhausted and emotionally invisible.

A strong man doesn’t mind leading. He doesn’t mind providing. He doesn’t mind building from scratch. But he does mind being the only one expected to show up.

So from this pew, the word today is not division—it’s balance. Not blame—it’s truth. Not anger—it’s invitation.

So ladies, stop overlooking builders while waiting on kings. Stop confusing standards with superiority. Stop calling it “knowing your worth” if it leaves no room for reciprocity.

A strong man doesn’t mind building the table— but he refuses to eat alone while someone critiques his labor. And if that makes folks uncomfortable? Good.
Growth usually does.

Because the strongest tables in the house are not the ones someone claims to be—
they’re the ones two people build together.