A Wednesday View from a Pew: When Roles Get Reversed and Love Gets Rewritten

Family, sit with me for a minute, because this one is tender, truthful, and necessary. We love to quote that scripture: “Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church.” But somewhere along the way, we skipped over the part where love is supposed to be mutual, where honor is supposed to be reciprocal, and where the weight of relationship is supposed to be carried by two—not dragged by one.

See, sisters often say, “Love me like God loves the church.” But here’s the question: how can a man love you like Christ when he’s always standing last in line?
Most men—good men, solid men—will tell you that all their lives they’ve been the afterthought, the last consideration. From childhood, boys are taught to step back so girls can step forward. “Ladies first.” “Let her go ahead.” “Make sure she’s happy.” Even the world reinforces it—women get into the club for free; men gotta spend $1,500 on bottles just to make sure everybody else is having a good time.

And hear me clearly: this is not about competition. This is not about diminishing our queens. This is about acknowledging what we rarely say out loud—that men, too, are hungry for honor, thirsty for affirmation, and weary from always being the one who waits, the one who carries, the one who sacrifices.

Let’s go back to the Book. The Word never said he was made for her. It said she was made for him. Not as property, not as possession—but as purpose, partnership, and power.

And if you read your Old Testament, the imagery is different from what we see today. In those early covenant ceremonies, the woman waited at the altar, and the man walked down to meet her. Symbolism matters. The groom moves toward his bride—just like Christ moves toward His church. But now? We’ve flipped it. The whole world stands and sings, “Here comes the bride,” and the groom is almost an accessory to the moment.

No wonder we’re confused.

If you want him to love you like God loves the church, then we have to stop rewriting what God established. Because Christ didn’t love a church that ignored Him, dismissed Him, or took Him for granted. Christ didn’t pour into a church that never poured back. Christ didn’t die for a bride that refused to live for Him.

Love only works when honor flows in both directions.

So here’s the revelation: Men aren’t asking to be worshiped—just to be valued. Not for their paycheck, not for their strength, not for what they can buy—but for what they give: stability, covering, sacrifice, commitment.

When a man feels seen, he loves deeper. When a man feels respected, he stands taller. When a man feels appreciated, he becomes everything God called him to be.

Sisters, if you want a man who loves like Christ… then love him like the church was supposed to love Christ— with honor, with partnership, with gratitude, and with grace.

And brothers, we’ve got to keep striving too. Because love isn’t a war over roles—it’s a covenant over responsibilities.

At the end of the day, kingdom love is not about who walks down the aisle first. It’s about two people walking toward God, together.

Let the church say amen.