A View From a Pew “When Value Meets Vision: A Message for Modern Love”

We live in a time where expectations are high, but self-awareness is low. Some women will tell you a man must be 6 feet tall, make six figures, be emotionally available, spiritually mature, never cheat, and have every box checked off before they even say hello. And yet, some of those same women haven’t taken the time to grow in the very virtues they demand.

Let’s talk about it—not from a place of judgment, but from a place of clarity and love.

We want men to treat women like queens, but far too many don’t act like royalty themselves. The truth is, you can’t expect someone to honor what you don't even honor in yourself. You can’t demand to be treated like a prize and then walk like you’re for sale. You can’t shake everything God gave you in the club Saturday night and expect Sunday morning reverence. You say, “respect me,” but do you carry yourself with respect?

Now brothers—this is not your permission slip to sit on a high horse. Because many men have failed to lead with integrity. We chase beauty, but we ignore brokenness. We want submission, but we haven’t earned trust. We expect class but offer no consistency.

See, this isn’t just about gender roles. This is about value.

A woman’s worth is not her hips, her hair, her heels, or her smile. It’s not her job title or her social media following. And a man’s worth isn’t in his paycheck, his muscles, or his pickup lines. Worth is woven into the spirit. It’s in character. It’s in how we handle rejection, how we forgive, how we speak, how we love, and how we lead.

The Bible says in Proverbs 31:10, “Who can find a virtuous woman? For her price is far above rubies.” But here's the catch: we’ve raised generations on filters, fame, and fantasy—not faith, wisdom, and discipline. So now, instead of building something real, we're performing for attention. And the moment someone calls it out, we say they’re bitter, broken, or judgmental.

But maybe they’re just tired of the circus and searching for substance.

You can have a good body and a bad attitude. You can have a degree and still be emotionally immature. You can have the glow-up and still be tore-up from the floor up—spiritually, mentally, and morally.

And no, not every woman fits that mold. But every woman has a circle—and sometimes the very ones yelling “I’m not like them” are co-signing the foolishness of their friends. Iron sharpens iron. And if your inner circle is dull, so is your discernment.

Let’s stop dressing up your dysfunction and calling it independence. Let’s stop mistaking being desired for being valued. Let’s stop demanding respect while living without standards. And let’s start doing the hard, holy work of healing, growing, and becoming whole—so that when you meet someone, you're not asking them to fix you, but to build with you.

Because at the end of the day, love is not about how many people want you—it’s about how many people can respect you, and honor your spirit.

If you want to be treated like royalty, carry yourself like royalty. I'm just saying.

And if you want better… be better.