A View from a Pew: Love Does Not Require You to Swallow Disrespect

Let’s talk about relationships. Because some of us are saved, sanctified, and still silently suffering at home. This is not about men versus women. This is about love versus indifference. This is about honor versus entitlement. This is about whether the person standing beside you values you — or merely tolerates you.

When your spouse or significant other truly loves you, something shifts. Their tone softens. Their spirit becomes more mindful. Their reactions grow more careful.

Why? Because love creates awareness. Love says, “I don’t want to hurt you.” Love says, “If that bothered you, let me look at myself.” Love says, “Your heart matters to me.”

But when love begins to fade, everything becomes a debate. Every concern becomes “You’re too sensitive.” Every request becomes “You’re trying to control me.” Every flaw becomes “That’s just how I am.”

No, people— that’s not confidence. That’s indifference dressed up in pride. Let me say it again so it settles in your spirit: Love does not demand acceptance of disrespect.

Real love creates restraint. Real love produces effort. Real love makes adjustments without being forced. You shouldn’t have to beg someone to care about what hurts you. You shouldn’t have to negotiate for basic consideration. You shouldn’t have to lower your standards just to keep the house quiet.

Now hear me carefully — desire cannot be argued into existence. You cannot debate someone into valuing you. You cannot guilt someone into respecting you. When someone values you, they notice what wounds you — and they work on it. When someone does not value you, they tell you to “deal with it.”

Pay attention to accountability. If every conversation turns into deflection… If every issue becomes your fault… If every concern becomes a power struggle… That relationship is already leaking.

And some of us are exhausting ourselves trying to patch holes in boats that the other person keeps drilling. The truth is simple, though it may not be easy: People improve for what they fear losing — not for what they feel entitled to.

If someone believes you will always tolerate the disrespect… If they believe you will always swallow your feelings… If they believe you will always “keep the peace”… They may never change.

And here is the dangerous part: Peace without respect is not peace. It is slow erosion. It is emotional abandonment happening in real time. Now let me say this, because we must be mature about this. This is not about “putting someone in their place.” This is about standing in your place.

There’s a difference. Standing in your place means: Setting boundaries without screaming. Speaking truth without belittling. Loving yourself enough to require mutual respect. Because a healthy relationship is not built on fear. It is built on honor. It is built on reciprocity. It is built on two people choosing each other — daily.

So before you demand change from your spouse or significant other, ask yourself: Are we both willing to grow? Are we both willing to adjust? Are we both willing to protect each other’s dignity?

And if the answer is no, then the real work isn’t about control — it’s about clarity.