A View from a Pew: Don’t Rob Them of the Struggle

Every now and then, I hear a parent say with pride and pain in the same sentence,
“I never want my children to struggle the way I did.”

And I understand that. I do. Because some of us remember lights getting cut off.
We remember wearing hand-me-downs. We remember walking when others rode.
We remember learning the hard way because there was no other way.

But let me tell you something from this pew today: The very struggle you’re trying to erase… is the same struggle that built you. It was the pressure that made you disciplined. It was the obstacles that sharpened your thinking. It was the lack that made you resourceful. It was the hardship that made you hungry.

You didn’t become strong in comfort. You became strong in resistance.

Now hear me clearly — I am not advocating trauma. I am not glorifying suffering.
I am not saying we recreate poverty to teach a lesson. But there is a difference between harmful struggle and guided struggle.

Guided struggle says: “I won’t let you drown, but I will let you swim.” “I won’t abandon you, but I won’t carry you forever.” “I’ll stand close enough to catch you — but far enough to let you grow.”

Some parents are so determined to remove every obstacle that they accidentally remove every opportunity for growth. If you solve every problem for them, they never learn how to solve one for themselves.

If you cushion every fall, they never learn how to get up. If you fight every battle,
they never develop the courage to stand. And then one day, life hits them — not with your supervision, but with reality. And reality doesn’t negotiate. Reality doesn’t hand out participation trophies. Reality doesn’t ask, “Are you ready?”

The world is harsh. Not because we want it to be. But because it is.

So yes — be a strict parent. Not because you don’t love your children.
But because I know you do. Don’t raise them for your house, raise them for the world.

Discipline at home teaches resilience outside of it. Accountability in the living room prevents consequences in the courtroom. Structure in childhood builds stability in adulthood.

When you remove every struggle, you also remove coping skills. You remove grit.
You remove problem-solving. You remove perseverance. And what you end up with is not protection — you end up with fragility.

There is something sacred about earning. There is something powerful about figuring it out. There is something transformative about overcoming.

Struggle teaches them: How to think when emotions are high. How to stand when no one is clapping. How to endure when things are uncomfortable. How to trust God when the answer isn’t immediate

Because faith isn’t developed in ease. Faith is developed in tension. And maybe — just maybe — the reason you are who you are today is because someone didn’t remove the struggle… They walked you through it.

So parents, don’t rob your children of the process that made you powerful. Give them support. Give them guidance. Give them love.

But also give them responsibility. Give them consequences. Give them the space to wrestle and rise. Because the goal isn’t to raise comfortable kids.

The goal is to raise capable adults. And from this view in the pew, I’m convinced of this: Struggle, when guided by love, doesn’t break our children. It builds them.