A View From A Pew: All Skinfolk Ain’t Kinfolk

I recently saw this statement as a post on Facebook. "Just because someone is standing by your side doesn’t mean they’re standing on your side." It reminded me of the statement attributed to Zora Neale Hurston, "All skinfolk ain’t kinfolk." Let me say this—proximity doesn’t equal loyalty. There are folks who will walk with you, talk with you, even eat at your table, but their heart is not for you.

Some people are only near because they’re curious. Others stay close because they want access. And yes, some are present because they’re waiting for the day you trip, so they can whisper, “See, I knew it wouldn’t last.”

That’s why you must be careful who you lean on. Everybody holding your hand isn’t holding your heart. Everybody calling you “friend” isn’t invested in your future. Some claps are genuine cheers, but others are just noise to cover up envy.

History and scripture remind us of this truth. Judas was right there with Jesus—he ate the bread, drank the wine, sat in the inner circle, but his loyalty was not with the mission. Samson laid his head in Delilah’s lap, but her heart was not for his strength—it was for his downfall. And Job? His friends sat with him through his suffering, but instead of lifting him up, they questioned his character.

So what’s the lesson? Don’t confuse companionship with commitment. Don’t mistake attendance for allegiance. Standing beside you doesn’t mean standing up for you. And just because someone looks like you, talks like you, or comes from where you come from doesn’t mean they carry your best interest in their heart.

But here’s the good news—when God gives you a vision, He also gives you provision. And that provision includes the right people. He will place men and women in your life who don’t just clap when you win, but cry with you when you hurt, pray with you when you’re weary, and remind you of who you are when you start to forget.

Your circle doesn’t need to be big. It just needs to be true. Sometimes God will shrink your circle, not because He’s punishing you, but because He’s protecting you. He’s trimming away the branches that don’t bear fruit, so that what remains can grow stronger.

So brothers and sisters, walk boldly. Love freely. But trust wisely. Guard your heart, test the spirit, and remember: all skinfolk ain’t kinfolk, and all company ain’t covenant. People may stand beside you, but only God can truly stand inside you. And when He’s for you, it doesn’t matter who’s against you.