A View From A Pew: Where are the Good Men? Stop Asking, Stop Looking and Start Becoming

After my last column—when she said “I am the table”—I was asked a familiar question: “Well then, where do you find a good man?”

My answer may catch some of you off guard. Maybe the problem isn’t where you’re looking… it’s that you’re looking at all.

Lest we forget: The Bible never says a woman finds a good husband.

It says, “He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord.”
That’s not semantics—that’s structure. That’s order. That’s responsibility.

Which means maybe the assignment isn’t to hunt, chase, stalk, swipe to the right, or scroll endlessly. Maybe the assignment is to be found.

I was raised hearing an old saying: “A watched pot never boils.” If all you do is stare at the pot—checking the clock, checking your phone, checking everybody else’s relationship on and off Facebook—you’ll miss the fact that God is still working the heat.

Sometimes you have to stop looking and let the man find you.

keep in mind this is not about sitting still and doing nothing. The Bible doesn’t say wait for the Lord. It says wait on the Lord. There’s a difference.

Waiting for the Lord means your hands are idle. Waiting on the Lord means your hands are busy—working on your faith, your healing, your character, your discipline, your purpose.

Because while you’re waiting on Him, He’s preparing both of you.

Here’s where we often get it twisted: We keep selecting the man we want instead of trusting God to send the man we need.

We choose with our eyes. God chooses with eternity in mind. We choose chemistry. God chooses compatibility. We choose attraction. God chooses assignment.

And the man God sends may not arrive packaged the way you imagined—but he will arrive equipped for the life you’re called to live.

And let me say this plainly: Every man needs a good woman in his life.

Not just for romance. Not just for passion. But because a good woman carries a presence.

Her presence steadies him. Her wisdom sharpens him. Her encouragement strengthens him when the weight of life presses down hard.

Even if she stands only as a friend, her value cannot be measured. She sees what others overlook. She speaks life when doubt creeps in. She believes when belief is hard.

Her worth is not tied to a title. Her significance is not dependent on a label.

Whether she is a partner, a companion, a confidant, or simply someone who stands beside him with sincerity and grace—she adds depth to his life and reminds him that no one is meant to carry the load alone.

So maybe the word today isn’t “Where are the good men?” Maybe the word is “Who am I becoming while I wait?”

Because when you focus on becoming who God has called you to be, you won’t have to chase what God has already assigned to find you.

And that…is a table worth sitting down at.