A Friday VIEW FROM A PEW “You Didn’t Lose Her… You Revealed Her.”

Let me slide right on down this pew and sit next to somebody who’s been carrying quiet heartbreak disguised as strength. Some of you brothers have been smiling in public but wrestling in private. And the Lord told me to tell you something that might just set your spirit free tonight.

Now, I don’t claim to be an expert on women, but I’ve lived long enough, loved long enough, and learned enough to offer a seasoned perspective. Life has a way—oh yes it does—of teaching us its sharpest lessons through the people we care about most.

Isn’t it something how a woman can walk away because you don’t have a job… and that same woman can walk away because you’re “too busy” working that very job? That’s the irony of life. You can lose her when you have nothing—and lose her again while you’re trying to build something.

Because truth be told, some folks don’t really love you—
they love the ease of you,
the access to you,
the benefits of you.

They want companionship without commitment, comfort without contribution, and blessings without ever touching a brick in the building process.

They want the crown of the king without the patience to watch him construct the kingdom. They want the finished product but refuse to stand beside you in the sawdust, the sweat, and the struggle.

If a man lacks ambition, he’s “not enough.”
If a man has ambition, he’s “too busy.”
If he struggles, he’s judged.
If he succeeds, he’s resented.

And somehow—someway—men are still expected to be the rock.
Solid. Steady. Unmoving.
Never tired. Never uncertain. Never weary.
Expected to stand tall even when life has whittled them down to splinters.

But here’s the darker truth—the one folks whisper but rarely say out loud:
The wrong woman will take your struggle and turn it into shame.
She’ll watch your progress and punish you for it.

When you’re down, she’ll look down on you.
When you’re climbing, she’ll tug at your ankles.
And when you finally step into the man God molded in the depths of your purpose, she’ll swear you “changed”—never admitting she simply couldn’t grow with you.

So hear this clearly:

You didn’t lose her.
You revealed her.

Your growth exposed her limits.
Your shine exposed her shadows.
Your elevation exposed her envy.
Your purpose exposed her pretense.

You didn’t outgrow her because you were “too much.”
You outgrew her because she refused to become anything more.

You stepped into the light—and her shadow couldn’t follow.
You broke generational curses—and she clung to familiar chains.
You walked forward—and she held onto backward.
Your spirit expanded—and hers stayed small.

That’s not a loss.
That’s a revelation.
That’s not heartbreak.
That’s God clearing the path for your next chapter.

Because every elevation requires a separation.
Every calling requires a cutting away.
Every destiny requires deliverance from dead weight.

Some people simply cannot breathe at the altitude of your promise.
They will suffocate where you are meant to soar.

So stand tall.
Lift up your head.
Straighten your shoulders.

You’re not broken—you’re becoming.
You’re not abandoned—you’re aligned.
You’re not empty—you’re evolving.

And hear this:
The woman who is truly meant for you will not be intimidated by your struggle nor threatened by your success. She won’t compete with you—she’ll complete the moment. She’ll pray over you in the valley and celebrate you on the mountaintop. She’ll see the king in you even when you’re still sweeping the construction dust off your boots.

Real queens don’t fear construction zones—
they help build kingdoms.

So keep laying bricks.
Keep stacking vision.
Keep becoming the man God whispered into existence before the foundations of the world.

Because the right queen will recognize a king…
even when he’s still mixing cement, patching walls, putting pieces together—
and rising into everything he was destined to be.